SF Mom's Groups Save the Day (and keep me from going crazy)

While I knew that I didn't have any close friends with children, I didn't think much of it before I had Tuco.  I guess I didn't think it would matter.  I don't hang-out much so finding people to hang out with didn't seem like a big deal. 

But here's the thing, I had Tuco and I stopped doing anything.  It wasn't that I didn't want to get out of the house, I just couldn't really figure out how or why or what to do.  Once I had decided to go for a walk, head to a movie or call a friend for lunch the thought of the logistics of it with a baby usually scared me out of it, plus, as I've mentioned before, Tuco cried A LOT.

Well, two things happened that changed what I was doing.  The first was that Tuco stopped crying.  (Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you for that.)  The other was that I got stir crazy. 

I got bored enough to reach out, not something I do naturally.  I called friends and set up dates and went out and it was fun. I even went so far as to take a mini-vacation to visit my mom (and set up two more mini-vacations over the next few months), 

Once I got a taste and saw how much Tuco thrived outside the four walls of our studio apartment I went online to find some more stuff to do.  One Google search later and I now have a calendar full of events for the next three weeks. 

We are going to the free day at the zoo in March, Golden Gate Park this Friday, Alameda for a BBQ, coffee shops for meet-ups with mothers I've never met, infant music groups in the Haight and more.  Some of these are with old friends, but some aren't.  My old friends aren't stay-at-home moms.  They have to work.  They can get drunk. 

So I joined Golden Gate Mothers Group and I found a few groups at Meetup.com and I might join Mom's Club SF.  I don't have to be best friends with every mom I meet, but I wouldn't know how to meet them without these groups.  What did women used to do?  Did they just wander the streets talking to every woman with a stroller?  Scary!

He is sleeping soundly next to me in bed

So, I quit the Ferber method.

There are two main reasons:
1. It's really really really hard to hear him scream and cry.
2. The book doesn't give any examples of what to do in different situations.

For example, it doesn't talk about ways to sooth your baby during the day when he's extremely fussy because he didn't sleep well because his parents didn't sooth him at night.

I could not calm him today. He wouldn't stop acting scared and sad. He was angry with me.

I'm going to enjoy him sleeping with me. I'm going to treasure it. I'm going to love it so much that when he stops it and wants to sleep alone I am the one who is going to fall asleep screaming and crying.

As for Nelson and me? We'll just have to get creative.

He's whimpering in the other room

Thinking about what I just did makes me so sad.  I just spent two hours in hell and I can't even imagine how horrible is was for Tuco. 

What it must feel like to have such an abrupt change, to cry so much and to not have the constant presence of the one thing you know is safe must be so scary.  I know it is, because I could see it in his eyes. 

Tuco can't sleep without me.  This cute monster can only sleep by my side. 

It's all my fault. 

When Tuco came home from the hospital he ate every single hour.  I don't know why.  I think he was hungry.  I tried so many other soothing methods, but food, breast, me, that was all that worked.  I had been prepared for this to happen every couple of hours and for a while.  Well, it happened every hours for months. 

I broke on almost everything I said I wouldn't do:

• He was not going to sleep with us ... he slept with us within the first week.
• I was not going to use a pacifier ... I broke one out days before the 1 month wait suggested to prevent confusion. 
• I was NEVER EVER EVER going be so cruel as to let him cry it out. 

Well, it's 10:30 PM and Tuco just cried-it-out. 

 Last night I bought "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems," by Richard Ferber, M.D. 

I put him down at 8 PM and he cried, hard, until 10:15 PM.
Yup, I'm Ferberizing.  I don't know why.  The desire for freedom while he is sleeping seems so selfish and shallow right now.  I just want to crawl in bed with him and snuggle up tight and tell him how sorry I am and that he never has to cry like that again. 

But I'm not going to, even though I don't know why. 

I think, after reading the book, I agree with Ferber.  My son  was gaining nothing from sleeping with me, he was just used to it. 

Now he'll get used to this.  I guess I will too, but right now I don't really want to.  I guess that's only fair because he didn't want to go to sleep alone tonight either. 

---- I've thought about adding a bunch of notes explaining why I'm doing this and how I know Tuco is ready, but I'm not going to .  I'm to drained to do much more right now that sit quietly and wait to see when Tuco starts crying.