What it must feel like to have such an abrupt change, to cry so much and to not have the constant presence of the one thing you know is safe must be so scary. I know it is, because I could see it in his eyes.
Tuco can't sleep without me. This cute monster can only sleep by my side.
It's all my fault.
When Tuco came home from the hospital he ate every single hour. I don't know why. I think he was hungry. I tried so many other soothing methods, but food, breast, me, that was all that worked. I had been prepared for this to happen every couple of hours and for a while. Well, it happened every hours for months.
I broke on almost everything I said I wouldn't do:
- He was not going to sleep with us ... he slept with us within the first week.
- I was not going to use a pacifier ... I broke one out days before the 1 month wait suggested to prevent confusion.
- I was NEVER EVER EVER going be so cruel as to let him cry it out.
Last night I bought "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems," by Richard Ferber, M.D.
I put him down at 8 PM and he cried, hard, until 10:15 PM.
Yup, I'm Ferberizing. I don't know why. The desire for freedom while he is sleeping seems so selfish and shallow right now. I just want to crawl in bed with him and snuggle up tight and tell him how sorry I am and that he never has to cry like that again.
But I'm not going to, even though I don't know why.
I think, after reading the book, I agree with Ferber. My son was gaining nothing from sleeping with me, he was just used to it.
Now he'll get used to this. I guess I will too, but right now I don't really want to. I guess that's only fair because he didn't want to go to sleep alone tonight either.
---- I've thought about adding a bunch of notes explaining why I'm doing this and how I know Tuco is ready, but I'm not going to . I'm to drained to do much more right now that sit quietly and wait to see when Tuco starts crying.
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